I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize