I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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