Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
this hospital has no fireball
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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