covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I want a musical about memes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
