Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
