I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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