My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I would ride that face into the sunset
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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