Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
