O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize