i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
