I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
