I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
