ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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