I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
