No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
