so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
