I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
