So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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