hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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