You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
