at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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