i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
