i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
