I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Four minutes until I can fart!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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