Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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