And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
