I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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