Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
