just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
