I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
they're like a gay fantastic four
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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