Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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