she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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