Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
