I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize