You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
