I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
