Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize