So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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