if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
