Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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