I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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