Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
