I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
