I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
