I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
