Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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