Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
