I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
