I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
