So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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