At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
