.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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