i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
