Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize