I feel great
I just peed on a car
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
