I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found puke in my bra..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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