Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
