i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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