i think my mom watched the whole time
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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