It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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