I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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