On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
