if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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