I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
